In the midst of all of this drama with the biopsy, the bone scans of the hip and everything, my back has decided to make its disappointment known in a rather obnoxious and painful way. The only relief I really get is when I am lying flat on my back. I have been doing the ice on ice off, the stretches, limiting my activity, and the Tiger Balm and my back muscles still insist upon being a royal pain. It is now affecting my ability to walk. I apologize to my readers for my negativity right now, but my back fucking hurts. It is really hard to see the silver lining when one is surrounded by really dark storm clouds.
I realize that on the continuum of bad things that could happen to me, this stuff I am dealing with right now is certainly not at the worst end, however, I am finding it difficult to see beyond the pain. I am now at a constant 8 on a scale of 10 pain. And I am wondering what the hell I did to tweak it this time.
At the biopsy on Friday, even though there was lidocaine, the last part of it was still very painful, and in my head I kept saying, "find your happy place...find your happy place!" Well today, I can't find my happy place. Today I am wondering if I even HAVE a happy place. And I am angry.