Thursday, October 25, 2007


I picked up my 23 year chip at my meeting today. Something the 12 step programs have taught me is that I can only do what is in front of me. That fact has been brought back in spades this week. I am powerless over the Santiago Canyon Fire. I am powerless over the Santa Ana Winds. However, faced with these things, I am NOT powerless over my choices with regard to the externals.

I am choosing to do everything in my power to make sure my family and I are safe. I am choosing to have a better day today than I did yesterday. Yesterday my emotional state hit critical mass. It really was not pretty. I had very little patience with everything yesterday. Today I am better.

My asthma symptoms are getting a little worse, but I know what to do to take care of myself around it. I hate sucking on my inhaler with the passion of a million suns. I hate how it makes me feel all jittery. But I know that without it, I could end up in the hospital on oxygen, and, quite frankly, I am useless there.

The air is starting to look a little better here. I am thinking my asthma worsening is just the cumulative effect of breathing in this noxious mix for days on end. My mind has come up with fantasies of torturing the waste of human skin that deliberately set this fire. I mean really, what did the person think? "Oh gee, today is a good day to set this fire, it will get maximum effect because of the weather forecast!"

I just got a phone call from my daughter's teacher. The school district has decided to cancel school for tomorrow. Ay yi yi. In retrospect, they probably could have cancelled school all week. I am glad she called me, though. So I can come up with a plan for what to do tomorrow. Perhaps we will go to one of the play land type places in one of the local indoor shopping malls.

In happier news, I have been starting to teach my daughter how to play piano (wanted to see if she would take to it before I paid the big bucks for lessons). She has been practicing every day, and seems to be enjoying it.

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