Sometimes it feels to me like I am in way over my head in life. I am having one of those days today. I definitely feel today like I am not good enough, I don't feel like I fit in, and that all I am is a big pretender.
Aren't I a little bit advanced in years to be feeling this? Don't most people grow out of these floating feelings of inadequacy by the time they are in their thirties? I am almost 46 years old and my insides feel like I am 14. Not fun.
Most of the time I can maintain with all this crap below the surface, but sometimes it bubbles over, like today, for example. I suppose it could be female hormonal stuff, intensifying it, but I have no idea if that is it, because I had the hysterectomy about a year ago, and so I no longer know what my hormonal cycle is.
My children deserve a better and more confident mother.
Monday, January 25, 2010
Saturday, January 23, 2010
The Storms of the Century
Being from the Midwest, where there are many rainstorms, I often have to laugh at the weather casts of "storms" here. In the 3 1/2 years I have lived here, the most rain we have gotten in a single storm has been about 1/2 inch. And when the storms are forecasted, the media here totally over hypes them. The storms of this past week actually lived up to the hype.
It is no secret that our climate is basically a coastal desert. Irvine averages just shy of 13 inches of rain per year. Contrast that with the Twin Cities area of Minnesota, where they average about 25-30 inches of precipitation (both rain and snow - 10 inches of snow is ~ 1 inch of rain).
Well, this past week we had several storms hit us in rapid succession, starting on Sunday and ending in the wee hours of today (Saturday). According to NOAA, John Wayne Airport (closest point of reference) got 6.03 inches. The amount of rain increased as the distance from the coast increased. If I had to guess (we don't have a rain gauge), I would estimate that we got between 6.5 and 7 inches of rain this week. We also had tornadoes in Orange County on Tuesday (the closest one hit in extreme south Irvine (about 5-6 miles from here). And for those that may not be aware, houses here are not built with basements. So one needs to go to a windowless interior room on the lowest floor to take cover. Or, in my case, be out to coffee with the leader of the Brownie troop, and be totally oblivious to such trifles as Tornado Warnings. Some of the people I know reacted to the Tornado Warning exactly the way I react to earthquakes. I guess it just comes down to what one is used to. Add to this, the fact that because it so rarely rains here, people here do not really know how to drive in it, especially when it REALLY rains. Yes, that big puddle of water pooling in the right hand lane of the freeway IS going to affect the motion of your car. We saw people on the 405 hit those pools going 65 mph, and totally lose control of their cars. It was scary. One eighth of an inch of rain and many people get confused. Much like in Minnesota during the first snowfall of the season.
I don't know about anyone else, but I was so ready to be done with these storms on Wednesday. All this damp and chilly air really affected my arthritis in a very bad way. The sun is out today and I am still hurting. I imagine those people up in the slide areas are also so done with this. They have lifted most of the mandatory evacuations. There were slides, but apparently, the measures they took to protect buildings worked and the damage from the mudslides appears to be minimal.
Thankfully the sun did come back out today, as it is the beginning of the annual Girl Scout Cookie Sale. K and her dad are out canvassing the neighborhood right now for potential customers. Last year K sold 250 boxes of cookies (her goal was 200). This year her goal is 300 boxes. Our troop this year will be participating in booth sales, so K's numbers should go up. The troop plans on using the funds to go to an overnight program at the San Diego Wild Animal Park.
In other news, today is S's 19th birthday. Where did all the time go?
It is no secret that our climate is basically a coastal desert. Irvine averages just shy of 13 inches of rain per year. Contrast that with the Twin Cities area of Minnesota, where they average about 25-30 inches of precipitation (both rain and snow - 10 inches of snow is ~ 1 inch of rain).
Well, this past week we had several storms hit us in rapid succession, starting on Sunday and ending in the wee hours of today (Saturday). According to NOAA, John Wayne Airport (closest point of reference) got 6.03 inches. The amount of rain increased as the distance from the coast increased. If I had to guess (we don't have a rain gauge), I would estimate that we got between 6.5 and 7 inches of rain this week. We also had tornadoes in Orange County on Tuesday (the closest one hit in extreme south Irvine (about 5-6 miles from here). And for those that may not be aware, houses here are not built with basements. So one needs to go to a windowless interior room on the lowest floor to take cover. Or, in my case, be out to coffee with the leader of the Brownie troop, and be totally oblivious to such trifles as Tornado Warnings. Some of the people I know reacted to the Tornado Warning exactly the way I react to earthquakes. I guess it just comes down to what one is used to. Add to this, the fact that because it so rarely rains here, people here do not really know how to drive in it, especially when it REALLY rains. Yes, that big puddle of water pooling in the right hand lane of the freeway IS going to affect the motion of your car. We saw people on the 405 hit those pools going 65 mph, and totally lose control of their cars. It was scary. One eighth of an inch of rain and many people get confused. Much like in Minnesota during the first snowfall of the season.
I don't know about anyone else, but I was so ready to be done with these storms on Wednesday. All this damp and chilly air really affected my arthritis in a very bad way. The sun is out today and I am still hurting. I imagine those people up in the slide areas are also so done with this. They have lifted most of the mandatory evacuations. There were slides, but apparently, the measures they took to protect buildings worked and the damage from the mudslides appears to be minimal.
Thankfully the sun did come back out today, as it is the beginning of the annual Girl Scout Cookie Sale. K and her dad are out canvassing the neighborhood right now for potential customers. Last year K sold 250 boxes of cookies (her goal was 200). This year her goal is 300 boxes. Our troop this year will be participating in booth sales, so K's numbers should go up. The troop plans on using the funds to go to an overnight program at the San Diego Wild Animal Park.
In other news, today is S's 19th birthday. Where did all the time go?
Wednesday, January 6, 2010
APAAS, GATE or Status Quo - What to do?
Our daughter is a very intelligent girl. And yes there is considerable bias on my part in making that statement. However, I do have some empirical evidence of her intellectual capacity. Last year (second grade) was the first year that K took the STAR tests (California's standardized tests). She scored a 440 in English/Language Arts (402-600 is advanced) and a 491 in Mathematics (414-600 is advanced). In addition to the high test scores, she has some ADHD issues. I am convinced that a significant percentage of the ADHD issue is boredom.
APAAS would require that K switch to a different school because APAAS is a stand-alone program, and K's school is not an APAAS center. I actually think APAAS would be preferable, since it is stand-alone, in comparison to GATE which is an "addition to" program. Plus, from everything I have heard, both fourth grade teachers at K's current school would not be a good fit for K and her attention deficit/processing issues. Minimum criteria for K to get into APAAS is advanced on the STAR testing in both English/Language Arts and Mathematics, Bs or better on her second trimester report card, and the ability to handle higher expectations academically. I am pretty confident on two of the three criteria.
GATE would happen at K's current school, and K would be put at a table in her class with the other GATE kids, and would be taught with the regular class but have higher expectations than most of the rest of the kids in her class. I do not like this at all, since I think if she is going to be put into a program with high academic expectations, that she needs to be in a group with the same expectations, or else it will probably not work well for her. Oh the joys of dealing with ADHD and a particularly willful child. Yes, Mom, K is part of my penance for putting you and Dad through Hell.
I am going to get in touch with Mrs. A. (the special ed teacher at K's school) and try and set up an appointment with her to get her ideas about this whole dilemma. She has really been such a good resource for me, in navigating the ADHD issues and has given me some really great advice with regard to motivating K to do her best. I am grateful for her input.
APAAS would require that K switch to a different school because APAAS is a stand-alone program, and K's school is not an APAAS center. I actually think APAAS would be preferable, since it is stand-alone, in comparison to GATE which is an "addition to" program. Plus, from everything I have heard, both fourth grade teachers at K's current school would not be a good fit for K and her attention deficit/processing issues. Minimum criteria for K to get into APAAS is advanced on the STAR testing in both English/Language Arts and Mathematics, Bs or better on her second trimester report card, and the ability to handle higher expectations academically. I am pretty confident on two of the three criteria.
GATE would happen at K's current school, and K would be put at a table in her class with the other GATE kids, and would be taught with the regular class but have higher expectations than most of the rest of the kids in her class. I do not like this at all, since I think if she is going to be put into a program with high academic expectations, that she needs to be in a group with the same expectations, or else it will probably not work well for her. Oh the joys of dealing with ADHD and a particularly willful child. Yes, Mom, K is part of my penance for putting you and Dad through Hell.
I am going to get in touch with Mrs. A. (the special ed teacher at K's school) and try and set up an appointment with her to get her ideas about this whole dilemma. She has really been such a good resource for me, in navigating the ADHD issues and has given me some really great advice with regard to motivating K to do her best. I am grateful for her input.
Friday, December 18, 2009
Spark of Love
I met Garth Kemp today. I remember when he used to be a d.j. over at KQRS in Minneapolis, so I am a huge fan. I am a serious fangirl, in fact.
Garth Kemp, for those not in SoCal, is the weekday morning weather guy for our ABC affiliate. He is a big burly former blonde (his hair is gray now). Every year around Christmas, he dresses up in this goofy elf costume on Fridays and goes to various locations in the area to "stuff buses" full of toys (think Toys for Tots, but not really, because I believe CBS does the Toys for Tots thing here). It is a huge deal. He works from 5:30 AM to 6:30 PM on those Fridays.
Today he was at the Honda Center (formerly the Duck Pond) in Anaheim, so K, K's friend A, and I headed up there to help stuff the bus.
I was wearing my Brett Favre jersey (by design, I figured he would notice his former market!), I took a photo of K and A with Garth and one with the girls on one of the toy buses. Garth said, "Hey wait, I want you to meet my cameraman, he is a HUGE Green Bay Packers fan!"
So the three of us adults stood around talking about the Vikings chances in the playoffs. Garth appears to be a Vikings fan because he said he can't even get his hopes up until the Vikings win the NFC Championship. OMG he is SOOOO COOL!
He was super super nice to us, and everyone else there. It was refreshing to meet someone who is obviously in the media who was genuinely nice and interested in people.
Garth Kemp, for those not in SoCal, is the weekday morning weather guy for our ABC affiliate. He is a big burly former blonde (his hair is gray now). Every year around Christmas, he dresses up in this goofy elf costume on Fridays and goes to various locations in the area to "stuff buses" full of toys (think Toys for Tots, but not really, because I believe CBS does the Toys for Tots thing here). It is a huge deal. He works from 5:30 AM to 6:30 PM on those Fridays.
Today he was at the Honda Center (formerly the Duck Pond) in Anaheim, so K, K's friend A, and I headed up there to help stuff the bus.
I was wearing my Brett Favre jersey (by design, I figured he would notice his former market!), I took a photo of K and A with Garth and one with the girls on one of the toy buses. Garth said, "Hey wait, I want you to meet my cameraman, he is a HUGE Green Bay Packers fan!"
So the three of us adults stood around talking about the Vikings chances in the playoffs. Garth appears to be a Vikings fan because he said he can't even get his hopes up until the Vikings win the NFC Championship. OMG he is SOOOO COOL!
He was super super nice to us, and everyone else there. It was refreshing to meet someone who is obviously in the media who was genuinely nice and interested in people.
Friday, December 4, 2009
Some Good Things, Some Not So Good.
First off, the not so good.
K came home from school with an infestation of head lice. I am guessing she had them for a few days, so we have been super cleaning, we washed her hair with RID, did the whole nit comb thing (so far 3 times), washing tons of laundry, etc. Well yesterday, she still had some of the nasty beasts living in her hair, so I took her to urgent care last night we got a prescription for stronger stuff. We are going to do the whole shampoo and lice cream thing later this morning, when I get ahead of some of the laundry.
Met with the haematologist on Wednesday. I was really nervous, but everyone in that practice was sooooo wonderful. They ran an initial CBC with differential, and it was weird. My platelets came out at only 157 (when they were 666 three weeks ago). Seems like a rather large swing to me. The phlebotomist took like 8 tubes of blood so they can run all kinds of tests. Then I had my consultation with the doctor. This consultation happened in his office and not in an exam room (HUGE deal, in my estimation). Dr. S. spent 45 minutes with me, going over my health history, planning out what to do next, and talking with me about what the high platelet thing means and why it might have happened. He explained that because my spleen was removed back in 1987, that my platelets may always run a little high, because it is the spleen that breaks the platelets down. VERY informative. And a bonus was finding out that he did his haematology residency at the University of Minnesota!
Yesterday, K and I went to Barnes and Noble to spend her gift card. It was also K's school's Barnes and Noble bookfair day so a percentage of what we spent went to her school's library. We chose three of the "Little House" books - "Little House in the Big Woods", "Little House on the Prairie", and "By the Banks of Plum Creek". We also chose "The Giver" and "Number the Stars". After we got home, K started reading "Little House in the Big Woods" and she discovered that the main character in the book had the same name as the author of the book. We had a discussion about the difference between autobiography and historical fiction. She understands that the "Little House" books are more historical fiction, even though the stories are based upon Laura Ingalls Wilder's childhood.
And I found my sunglasses, which had been missing for almost a week.
K came home from school with an infestation of head lice. I am guessing she had them for a few days, so we have been super cleaning, we washed her hair with RID, did the whole nit comb thing (so far 3 times), washing tons of laundry, etc. Well yesterday, she still had some of the nasty beasts living in her hair, so I took her to urgent care last night we got a prescription for stronger stuff. We are going to do the whole shampoo and lice cream thing later this morning, when I get ahead of some of the laundry.
Met with the haematologist on Wednesday. I was really nervous, but everyone in that practice was sooooo wonderful. They ran an initial CBC with differential, and it was weird. My platelets came out at only 157 (when they were 666 three weeks ago). Seems like a rather large swing to me. The phlebotomist took like 8 tubes of blood so they can run all kinds of tests. Then I had my consultation with the doctor. This consultation happened in his office and not in an exam room (HUGE deal, in my estimation). Dr. S. spent 45 minutes with me, going over my health history, planning out what to do next, and talking with me about what the high platelet thing means and why it might have happened. He explained that because my spleen was removed back in 1987, that my platelets may always run a little high, because it is the spleen that breaks the platelets down. VERY informative. And a bonus was finding out that he did his haematology residency at the University of Minnesota!
Yesterday, K and I went to Barnes and Noble to spend her gift card. It was also K's school's Barnes and Noble bookfair day so a percentage of what we spent went to her school's library. We chose three of the "Little House" books - "Little House in the Big Woods", "Little House on the Prairie", and "By the Banks of Plum Creek". We also chose "The Giver" and "Number the Stars". After we got home, K started reading "Little House in the Big Woods" and she discovered that the main character in the book had the same name as the author of the book. We had a discussion about the difference between autobiography and historical fiction. She understands that the "Little House" books are more historical fiction, even though the stories are based upon Laura Ingalls Wilder's childhood.
And I found my sunglasses, which had been missing for almost a week.
Monday, November 30, 2009
Bittersweet
Today, in the mail, my mom sent me her spritz cookie press. She really does not bake much for Christmas anymore, and my Wilton plastic cookie press broke in the middle of baking Christmas cookies last year. Her press is all metal, so I have no worries about the trigger breaking on this one.
It makes me kind of sad, I love to bake cookies with my mom, I am now terribly homesick. Mom and I used to make a weekend of the cookie baking. We would do rosettes, spritz, snickerdoodles, "brown eyed susans", Mexican wedding cakes, and these wonderful cherry pecan shortbread cookies. The kitchen always smelled so good, and we had fun with the baking.
K will be helping me bake this year. Our list of cookies will not be so ambitious this year, I do not have a rosette iron, and I can't find the mint chocolate drops for the "brown eyed susans". We will probably do either chocolate chip cookies, or some of the double chocolate cookies (I have containers of that dough in the freezer).
I am feeling really homesick right now. I am hoping that someday, either we can make it to Minnesota for the holidays, or my family can come here so K, my mom, and I can bake Christmas cookies together.
It makes me kind of sad, I love to bake cookies with my mom, I am now terribly homesick. Mom and I used to make a weekend of the cookie baking. We would do rosettes, spritz, snickerdoodles, "brown eyed susans", Mexican wedding cakes, and these wonderful cherry pecan shortbread cookies. The kitchen always smelled so good, and we had fun with the baking.
K will be helping me bake this year. Our list of cookies will not be so ambitious this year, I do not have a rosette iron, and I can't find the mint chocolate drops for the "brown eyed susans". We will probably do either chocolate chip cookies, or some of the double chocolate cookies (I have containers of that dough in the freezer).
I am feeling really homesick right now. I am hoping that someday, either we can make it to Minnesota for the holidays, or my family can come here so K, my mom, and I can bake Christmas cookies together.
Blank
I cannot think of anything to write today. I might be able to think of something later but for now, I am blank.
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