We have had steady rain here for 7 days straight. There is a storm system just off shore and wave after wave of heavy torrential rains have been falling, and we have accumulated an estimated 9-14 inches since last Thursday. Today is Wednesday and we are supposed to have the worst of this storm today. I have literally never seen anything quite like this, and have been on the verge of a panic attack for two days.
Downtown Laguna Beach is closed due to flooding and mud. The Ortega Highway is closed due to mudslide. Trabuco Canyon Road is closed due to mud. Silverado Canyon has been evacuated, due to mudslide. The airport in Corona is completely flooded. It is advised to pretty much stay away from the canyons and foothills. Highway 241 is closed at Highway 73 for flooding. Some homes in San Juan Capistrano have been evacuated due to mud and rock slide. And this is just in Orange County.
Thankfully we are in the flatland of Irvine, and other than the streets flooding over, we have had no real impact here. But I start to panic whenever I have to get in the car and drive in this. Californians are notoriously bad rainy day drivers, and while I am confident in my own abilities to drive in any type of weather condition (and I know when NOT to get behind the wheel), I am not even a little confident in the ability of others to NOT HIT ME. Last Friday, I was getting on an entrance ramp to the 55, and the pickup truck in front of me spun out and almost took me with her. My heart still pounds when I think about that.
Under normal circumstances, I enjoy the rain, because it happens so rarely here. But this year has had more precipitation than usual, and the ground is so over saturated that there is standing water everywhere. And the storm drains are totally inadequate to handle the deluge.
I know, in my head, I have little to worry about, but my gut has been churning for days, and I finally broke down and cried today over the stress that I am causing myself. I really need to think about something else, but I am not sure I can get the committee in my head to change subjects right now.
Wednesday, December 22, 2010
Thursday, October 21, 2010
Vigil
Last night, we went to the candlelight vigil for the children who committed suicide as a result of anti-gay bullying. It is so sad, that they gave up and saw no other way.
I remember the bullying I received in school because I was tall, skinny, and a "little different". It was painful. I managed to survive a suicide attempt as well. At the time, I told myself that I sucked so bad that I could not even kill myself right.
I know this post is kind of bouncing all over the place, but I still have difficulty facing the pain of that era in my life head on. I am not sure if I will ever be able to.
We had a conversation with K about bullying. I asked her if she had seen any bullying at school, and she said that she had not. We told her that if she ever did, that she should stand up and say something, and if that did not work to stop it, that she should find an adult to deal with it. I wish more people would stand up against bullying when they see it. I wish that Mr. Wolf would have done something about the boy who repeatedly punched me in the back of the head in high school. I know he saw what was happening, but because Mr. Wolf thought I was a reprobate, he did nothing.
For all who are bullied, and are feeling worthless. You are not worthless. You have value, you are beautiful. Don't give up. It really does get better.
I remember the bullying I received in school because I was tall, skinny, and a "little different". It was painful. I managed to survive a suicide attempt as well. At the time, I told myself that I sucked so bad that I could not even kill myself right.
I know this post is kind of bouncing all over the place, but I still have difficulty facing the pain of that era in my life head on. I am not sure if I will ever be able to.
We had a conversation with K about bullying. I asked her if she had seen any bullying at school, and she said that she had not. We told her that if she ever did, that she should stand up and say something, and if that did not work to stop it, that she should find an adult to deal with it. I wish more people would stand up against bullying when they see it. I wish that Mr. Wolf would have done something about the boy who repeatedly punched me in the back of the head in high school. I know he saw what was happening, but because Mr. Wolf thought I was a reprobate, he did nothing.
For all who are bullied, and are feeling worthless. You are not worthless. You have value, you are beautiful. Don't give up. It really does get better.
Friday, October 1, 2010
Better Mood Today
Probably because it is Friday, and K will not have to do 56 hours of homework tonight. Have I mentioned that IUSD is really big on overloading the poor kids with hours of busy work. Most of the homework is just plain makework to "prepare them for the NCLB" testing and does not teach anything besides how to be a dutiful future paper pusher. In my humble opinion, this is not education.
OK, rant over. Last night, I had to kick myself in the hiney to get myself to choir practice, it is not that I did not want to be there, I just did not want to leave the house. Yes, I am in kind of an agoraphobic funk right now. I am so glad I forced myself to go. It was truly what my psyche needed.
After choir practice, one of my friends called me to tell me to turn on Project Runway, because it was a really good episode, and I am so glad I did. I am not going to spoil too much of it, except to say that I loved the fabric that Mondo designed (and his inspiration for it) and that if I were like 15 pounds lighter, I would SO rock the pants he designed. I get tears in my eyes still thinking about it. After Project Runway was over, I called my friend back and we had a really cool talk about the show and about life in general. We talked about our sadness over the rash of young people committing suicide lately, and while we did not solve the world's problems, we did get to share what was on our minds and hearts. I love that!
This week has been fairly difficult. Monday it was 110 degrees outside and the rest of the week it was in the 90s and kind of humid. I have asthma symptoms when the weather gets like this. But I am glad to see the heatwave break, and as a bonus we had drizzle and lightning last night as well as thunder this morning. I LOVE thunderstorms.
Happy Friday everyone! Hope you all have a fun and restful weekend.
OK, rant over. Last night, I had to kick myself in the hiney to get myself to choir practice, it is not that I did not want to be there, I just did not want to leave the house. Yes, I am in kind of an agoraphobic funk right now. I am so glad I forced myself to go. It was truly what my psyche needed.
After choir practice, one of my friends called me to tell me to turn on Project Runway, because it was a really good episode, and I am so glad I did. I am not going to spoil too much of it, except to say that I loved the fabric that Mondo designed (and his inspiration for it) and that if I were like 15 pounds lighter, I would SO rock the pants he designed. I get tears in my eyes still thinking about it. After Project Runway was over, I called my friend back and we had a really cool talk about the show and about life in general. We talked about our sadness over the rash of young people committing suicide lately, and while we did not solve the world's problems, we did get to share what was on our minds and hearts. I love that!
This week has been fairly difficult. Monday it was 110 degrees outside and the rest of the week it was in the 90s and kind of humid. I have asthma symptoms when the weather gets like this. But I am glad to see the heatwave break, and as a bonus we had drizzle and lightning last night as well as thunder this morning. I LOVE thunderstorms.
Happy Friday everyone! Hope you all have a fun and restful weekend.
Thursday, September 30, 2010
No, darling snowflake, your backpack CAN'T ride in the car with you!
For anyone who has been reading this blog regularly, you already know that I consider K's school parking lot the swirling vortex of suck. We all take turns driving like idiots, and on some days, EVERYONE drives like an idiot. There are two "lanes" going through the parking lot. The right lane is the "drop off lane", should be self explanatory, the operative words are "should be". The left lane is the thru traffic and parking lane (the left lane has access to the parking spaces). Not rocket science, but you really would not know it by how people behave. It really is a most special place.
But there is an affliction that has affected fully 1/3 to 1/2 of the parents dropping their kids off at school. I will call this affliction "No Backpacks Allowed in the Car" or NBAC. For those afflicted, all backpacks are put in the trunk (or in the rear hatch for wagons and SUVs), requiring mom or dad to put the car in park, get OUT of said car to walk to the trunk/hatch, get out the backpack(s), and walk around to the OTHER SIDE of the car and hand the backpack(s) to their child(ren). This is in the "drop off and keep moving" lane. It is not like this parking lot is huge by any stretch of the imagination, but the NBAC people can seriously add 5-10 minutes to the morning drop off time, and it is completely unnecessary. Seriously. WTF.
But there is an affliction that has affected fully 1/3 to 1/2 of the parents dropping their kids off at school. I will call this affliction "No Backpacks Allowed in the Car" or NBAC. For those afflicted, all backpacks are put in the trunk (or in the rear hatch for wagons and SUVs), requiring mom or dad to put the car in park, get OUT of said car to walk to the trunk/hatch, get out the backpack(s), and walk around to the OTHER SIDE of the car and hand the backpack(s) to their child(ren). This is in the "drop off and keep moving" lane. It is not like this parking lot is huge by any stretch of the imagination, but the NBAC people can seriously add 5-10 minutes to the morning drop off time, and it is completely unnecessary. Seriously. WTF.
Monday, July 19, 2010
Air Travel
Air travel has been a royal pain in the buttocks since even before September 11th, 2001. But now it is seriously jacked up.
I have an artificial hip, a steel plate and a bunch of screws in my pelvis. So I set off the metal detectors even before 9/11. Now, because of all my "hardware", I feel like I have to get to the airport insanely early because I am afraid I will be pulled off into a room and strip searched.
When we arrived at John Wayne Airport and went through security, I managed to be screened by a female guard who took her job WAAAAY to seriously. She asked me several times whether I wanted to have a private screening. Every time she was about to frisk me she asked me if I wanted a private screening. I almost replied, "No, do you?" Our flight out was otherwise uneventful.
Our trip back was a little bit more interesting. We had a stop in Salt Lake City. We looked before we left for the Minneapolis airport to see if our flight was going to be on time and it was delayed. No big deal, we had a 2:15 layover. We watched the movie "Bolt" before we left for the airport.
I have an artificial hip, a steel plate and a bunch of screws in my pelvis. So I set off the metal detectors even before 9/11. Now, because of all my "hardware", I feel like I have to get to the airport insanely early because I am afraid I will be pulled off into a room and strip searched.
When we arrived at John Wayne Airport and went through security, I managed to be screened by a female guard who took her job WAAAAY to seriously. She asked me several times whether I wanted to have a private screening. Every time she was about to frisk me she asked me if I wanted a private screening. I almost replied, "No, do you?" Our flight out was otherwise uneventful.
Our trip back was a little bit more interesting. We had a stop in Salt Lake City. We looked before we left for the Minneapolis airport to see if our flight was going to be on time and it was delayed. No big deal, we had a 2:15 layover. We watched the movie "Bolt" before we left for the airport.
At the Minneapolis airport, I took a picture of the Snoopy statue and the doorway into the Senator Larry Craig Restroom Tap Dancing Studio - Home of the Wide Stance. Our plane was delayed for a very long time. Long enough that when we took off, we knew that our over 2 hour layover was pretty much gone. We landed 5 minutes before our connecting flight was going to take off. Woohoo.
Because it sounded like we may still be able to make the connection, we got off the plane as fast as we could and ran our behinds off (ala OJ Simpson) from the end of one terminal to about midway into one of the other terminals. They had not shut the door yet, but they informed us that we had been booked onto a flight into LAX.
Um....NO!
Then they tried to rig it so we could get on our original flight, but the seats had just been booked that were left. They got us on the next flight to John Wayne in first class (YES!!!!!) and gave us each a $6 voucher for food in the airport for our trouble. I am still very very very very sore from running with all of our possessions through two terminals. It was a blessed miracle to have the first class seats with legroom after that ordeal.
Our friend met us at the airport and drove us home. We got our stuff in the house, and I literally fell into bed and slept for 11 hours. The house was hot because we had been gone and the AC was not on, but it was good to be able to rest after the stress of dealing with Delta Airlines' issues.
LAX, REALLY!!!!? Hell to the NO! Especially after the extra airfare paid for booking to and from SNA.
Because it sounded like we may still be able to make the connection, we got off the plane as fast as we could and ran our behinds off (ala OJ Simpson) from the end of one terminal to about midway into one of the other terminals. They had not shut the door yet, but they informed us that we had been booked onto a flight into LAX.
Um....NO!
Then they tried to rig it so we could get on our original flight, but the seats had just been booked that were left. They got us on the next flight to John Wayne in first class (YES!!!!!) and gave us each a $6 voucher for food in the airport for our trouble. I am still very very very very sore from running with all of our possessions through two terminals. It was a blessed miracle to have the first class seats with legroom after that ordeal.
Our friend met us at the airport and drove us home. We got our stuff in the house, and I literally fell into bed and slept for 11 hours. The house was hot because we had been gone and the AC was not on, but it was good to be able to rest after the stress of dealing with Delta Airlines' issues.
LAX, REALLY!!!!? Hell to the NO! Especially after the extra airfare paid for booking to and from SNA.
Sunday, July 18, 2010
Home
We came home to Minnesota this past week. While much had changed, the visit cemented in me how much I really miss it here.
We got our big thunderstorm tonight, complete with lightning and thunder (and tornado warnings in neighboring counties). Have I mentioned that I like thunderstorms? It was cool seeing the lightning in the sky as we were driving this evening.
We got into town on Monday (the 12th) evening. Went directly to Culvers! Yummmmmmm. They really need to open a Culvers in Orange County. I mean really, we ARE getting a BW3 (Buffalo Wild Wings). Monday we pretty much just chilled at my parents' house.
Tuesday, we went to see "Despicable Me" in 3D. Fun movie. I want minions! Then we went to Target, so K could do some shopping (Grandma and Grandpa gave her a gift card!). K wanted to have Juicy Lucys for her early birthday celebration so we went to the 5-8 Club. Again... YUMMMMMMMMM.
Wednesday, for most of the day, we just hung out at my mom's house, because S broke his leg and needs surgery, and is not getting around very well, and my dad was gone for most of the day. Later we took K shopping for shoes, because there is no sales tax on shoes or clothes in Minnesota. She got two pairs of shoes for $27.98. Not bad at all. Then we left K with my parents and went out to dinner with four of my friends at The Chatterbox in Powderhorn Park. We later went to Bob's Java Hut and watched the people on Lyndale Ave. Good times!
Thursday we took it easy until we left for Target Field. My photos of Target Field will be uploaded when we get home. Target Field is a beautiful ballpark. They really did a great job with the details. The Twins were hosting the White Sox (which is always a fun series because of the rivalry). Although the Twins lost 8-7, it was a fun game to watch.
Friday evening, we went to a barbecue at my husband's best friend's house in Monticello. It was so wonderful to hang out and see everyone after several years. Tonight we went to a party celebrating two people's long-term recovery and I saw people I had not seen in probably 15 years. We also went to a reunion of the Minnesota Maulers football team and it was fun to see the guys who played football with my husband again. It was kind of weird that I was the only spouse there, but oh well.
We go back tomorrow morning (Sunday). I am really sad to leave. But glad that I got to see so many people that I have not seen in so long. It was really a good trip.
We got our big thunderstorm tonight, complete with lightning and thunder (and tornado warnings in neighboring counties). Have I mentioned that I like thunderstorms? It was cool seeing the lightning in the sky as we were driving this evening.
We got into town on Monday (the 12th) evening. Went directly to Culvers! Yummmmmmm. They really need to open a Culvers in Orange County. I mean really, we ARE getting a BW3 (Buffalo Wild Wings). Monday we pretty much just chilled at my parents' house.
Tuesday, we went to see "Despicable Me" in 3D. Fun movie. I want minions! Then we went to Target, so K could do some shopping (Grandma and Grandpa gave her a gift card!). K wanted to have Juicy Lucys for her early birthday celebration so we went to the 5-8 Club. Again... YUMMMMMMMMM.
Wednesday, for most of the day, we just hung out at my mom's house, because S broke his leg and needs surgery, and is not getting around very well, and my dad was gone for most of the day. Later we took K shopping for shoes, because there is no sales tax on shoes or clothes in Minnesota. She got two pairs of shoes for $27.98. Not bad at all. Then we left K with my parents and went out to dinner with four of my friends at The Chatterbox in Powderhorn Park. We later went to Bob's Java Hut and watched the people on Lyndale Ave. Good times!
Thursday we took it easy until we left for Target Field. My photos of Target Field will be uploaded when we get home. Target Field is a beautiful ballpark. They really did a great job with the details. The Twins were hosting the White Sox (which is always a fun series because of the rivalry). Although the Twins lost 8-7, it was a fun game to watch.
Friday evening, we went to a barbecue at my husband's best friend's house in Monticello. It was so wonderful to hang out and see everyone after several years. Tonight we went to a party celebrating two people's long-term recovery and I saw people I had not seen in probably 15 years. We also went to a reunion of the Minnesota Maulers football team and it was fun to see the guys who played football with my husband again. It was kind of weird that I was the only spouse there, but oh well.
We go back tomorrow morning (Sunday). I am really sad to leave. But glad that I got to see so many people that I have not seen in so long. It was really a good trip.
Tuesday, July 6, 2010
Another Anniversary
Tomorrow, July 7, is the 23rd anniversary of my final radiation treatment. While the first series of treatments covered more area of my body, I have to say the second series was far worse as far as the side effects went.
The area exposed in the second series was about a 4" x 10" rectangle along my abdominal midline below my diaphragm. This is when I stopped eating completely. While I was not eating much when I had the mantle (neck, and entire thorax) radiation, because food was too dry to go down, when I had the abdominal radiation, food came back up too readily. To this day, I cannot even fathom wanting to ingest a liquid protein shake. I get nauseous just thinking about it.
My treatments would have ended a week earlier, but my maternal grandpa died and with my doctor's okay, I went to spend a week in Milwaukee with my family. I did not know at the time that it was going to be the last time I saw my cousin, Gary.
At that time, Gary, unbeknownst to anyone but his parents, had just been diagnosed with HIV. Apparently, Hodgkins Lymphoma has some very similar symptoms to full-blown AIDS. And Gary, bless his heart, was asking me some rather pointed questions about what I was going through. I was confused as hell as to why Gary was asking me these gruesome questions, especially since Gary had a delicate sensibility. Yes, Gary was gay. But I have known straight men that had just as delicate a personality so let's just leave the stereotypes alone. Anyhow, at one point during our conversation (and I still kick myself mercilessly over this) Gary told me that he dreamed of meeting a nice woman, settling down, getting married, and having children. I wish I had told him to cut the bullshit, that I knew he was gay, that I loved him for who and what he was, and that if he wanted to marry a man and settle down, I would have nothing but blessing for him. I just did not have the guts at that time to say what needed to be said.
Gary died in the summer of 1990, when I was pregnant with my son. He did not allow his parents to tell anyone until a few days before he died. I did get to talk on the phone with him before he passed, and I told him I loved him, and that I wish I had known sooner, because I would have wanted to do something, anything, for him.
His death changed some things in his immediate family. Both of his parents got involved in AIDS related charities in Milwaukee. One of the things my aunt (Gary's mom) did, while I was sick, was send me these anonymous notes and little gifts (all containing Hershey Kisses), throughout all of my treatments. We were all trying to figure out who was sending the stuff the whole time. The last little gift came the day of my final treatment, when she revealed that it was she that was sending these things. I know people think I am so strong, but really I am not. She may never know how much the anonymous little notes and gifts helped me get through that time. One of the things she does with the AIDS hospice now, is send the little anonymous notes and gifts to various patients there. My aunt and uncle have served as the Grand Marshals of the Milwaukee Gay Pride parade. My aunt also made a quilt panel to memorialize Gary's life. Here is a photo of his little section:
I still cry when I think of him.
The area exposed in the second series was about a 4" x 10" rectangle along my abdominal midline below my diaphragm. This is when I stopped eating completely. While I was not eating much when I had the mantle (neck, and entire thorax) radiation, because food was too dry to go down, when I had the abdominal radiation, food came back up too readily. To this day, I cannot even fathom wanting to ingest a liquid protein shake. I get nauseous just thinking about it.
My treatments would have ended a week earlier, but my maternal grandpa died and with my doctor's okay, I went to spend a week in Milwaukee with my family. I did not know at the time that it was going to be the last time I saw my cousin, Gary.
At that time, Gary, unbeknownst to anyone but his parents, had just been diagnosed with HIV. Apparently, Hodgkins Lymphoma has some very similar symptoms to full-blown AIDS. And Gary, bless his heart, was asking me some rather pointed questions about what I was going through. I was confused as hell as to why Gary was asking me these gruesome questions, especially since Gary had a delicate sensibility. Yes, Gary was gay. But I have known straight men that had just as delicate a personality so let's just leave the stereotypes alone. Anyhow, at one point during our conversation (and I still kick myself mercilessly over this) Gary told me that he dreamed of meeting a nice woman, settling down, getting married, and having children. I wish I had told him to cut the bullshit, that I knew he was gay, that I loved him for who and what he was, and that if he wanted to marry a man and settle down, I would have nothing but blessing for him. I just did not have the guts at that time to say what needed to be said.
Gary died in the summer of 1990, when I was pregnant with my son. He did not allow his parents to tell anyone until a few days before he died. I did get to talk on the phone with him before he passed, and I told him I loved him, and that I wish I had known sooner, because I would have wanted to do something, anything, for him.
His death changed some things in his immediate family. Both of his parents got involved in AIDS related charities in Milwaukee. One of the things my aunt (Gary's mom) did, while I was sick, was send me these anonymous notes and little gifts (all containing Hershey Kisses), throughout all of my treatments. We were all trying to figure out who was sending the stuff the whole time. The last little gift came the day of my final treatment, when she revealed that it was she that was sending these things. I know people think I am so strong, but really I am not. She may never know how much the anonymous little notes and gifts helped me get through that time. One of the things she does with the AIDS hospice now, is send the little anonymous notes and gifts to various patients there. My aunt and uncle have served as the Grand Marshals of the Milwaukee Gay Pride parade. My aunt also made a quilt panel to memorialize Gary's life. Here is a photo of his little section:
I still cry when I think of him.
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